


Double Vodkas of Lust

by westwingfanfictioncentral_archivist



Category: The West Wing
Genre: Humor, Pre-White House (West Wing)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2005-08-21
Updated: 2005-08-21
Packaged: 2019-05-15 14:13:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,446
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14792031
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/westwingfanfictioncentral_archivist/pseuds/westwingfanfictioncentral_archivist
Summary: "Not that I object so much, but why are you in my room?"





	Double Vodkas of Lust

**Author's Note:**

> A copy of this work was once archived at National Library, a part of the [ West Wing Fanfiction Central](https://fanlore.org/wiki/West_Wing_Fanfiction_Central), a West Wing fanfiction archive. More information about the Open Doors approved archive move can be found in the [announcement post](http://archiveofourown.org/admin_posts/8325).

**Double Vodkas of Lust**

**by:** Teaphile 

**Character(s):** Ensemble  
**Category(s):** Humor  
**Rating:** TEEN  
**Summary:** "Not that I object so much, but why are you in my room?"  
**Written:** 08-16-2005  
**Author's Note:** Written for the bad cliche ficathon, to the prompt: We woke up together and ohmygodwhatdidwedolastnight? 

"Oh, my God!" 

The bed jolted, waking Sam from the kind of dead sleep that usually followed a night of attempted alcohol poisoning. He cracked open his eyes just a bit before feeling the sheet that had been covering him whip over his skin, leaving it cool to the air. Bare. He didn't remember that. 

"Oh, my God," came the cry again, feminine and vaguely familiar, from the other side of the room. He sat up against the flimsy hotel headboard and put a hand to his forehead. He chanced a glance up at the source of the voice, to find his former sheet wrapped around a very naked, very tall blonde woman he knew he was supposed to remember. 

She had her face turned away, hand shielding her eyes. "Put on some clothes," she said, anguish making her voice crack. 

"You have the sheet." 

"Yes, I have the sheet. The sheet is currently my best friend." Her voice steadied, became powerful with scorn. "You, on the other hand, are neither a friend nor someone whose name I know, so please, put on some clothes and get out of my room." 

Sam looked around for his clothes, and noticed his suitcase still standing upright near the door. "This is my room." He spotted his pants draped across a chair and slid into them. "Not that I object so much, but why are you in my room?" Picking up his pants had revealed a skirt and blouse, too, which were definitely not his. 

"I don't know." Her voice cracked again and she dared a look. Seeing that he was at least partially clothed, she breathed a sigh and grabbed for her outfit, tripping a little over the trailing sheet. 

"I should know you, right? I mean, you are from the campaign," Sam asked hesitantly as she started for the bathroom. 

Her eyes closed for a moment and she let her head fall back. "Oh, my God," she said for a third time. "Is this better or worse than you being just some guy I picked up in the hotel bar?" Her head snapped around. "Not that I pick up men in bars. Not really. Almost never." 

"My name is Sam Seaborn. I just came back up from New York last night." 

"CJ Cregg. I am clearly an idiot." 

Sam paused in putting on his shirt and blinked. "Should I be offended?" 

CJ abandoned her attempt on the bathroom, sinking down to sit on the bed again. "No, not that. You're Josh's friend. " 

Sam suddenly remembered. "When I got here you were at the bar with Toby, celebrating… something I'm not sure of." 

"We started polling in double digits yesterday." 

"Hence the champagne." 

"Hence the champagne. I don't know whose idea the double vodkas were, but I'm going to kill said person slowly and with extreme prejudice." 

"Sounds like Josh's kind of pun." 

"Do you think he'd prefer having his hair torn out clump by clump over a period of days, or a strategically-placed branding iron? I don't actually have a branding iron, but believe me, a curling iron is an acceptable substitute." 

"I'm not that well-versed in Josh's kinks." 

"Thank you for that mental image." 

"You're welcome." 

The phone rang then, and Sam answered it, glancing at the time and realizing he was about to be chewed out by Toby for being late to a breakfast meeting. As he talked, CJ ducked into the bathroom and dressed. She reappeared just as he hung up. 

"Let me ask you something, CJ." 

"Okay," she answered warily. 

"Do you… what… did we have sex last night?" 

"Oh, my God." 

He shrugged, and hoped he looked apologetic. "You'd be the one to know." 

"I know. Thank you so much for reminding me." 

"Well?" 

She rubbed her thighs together, looking a bit uncomfortable. "I don't think so. Check the garbage can." 

It was empty. "Good. So now we know and can go on with our jobs." 

"Yes. That's a very good idea." CJ nodded once and left. 

**************** 

Toby was smirking at Sam. This didn't bode well at all, because when Toby smirked he generally was plotting something. Sam just usually wasn't the target. "You're smirking," he said, figuring to get it over with quickly. 

Toby's smirk grew into a smile. "No, I'm not," he replied in a coy way that Sam was unfamiliar with. 

"Well, you aren't now, but you definitely were, so would you please just do whatever it is you're going to do to me?" He broke a chunk of his bagel and considered lobbing at his boss. 

"What makes you think the joke's on you?" Toby was smirking, but still not looking at Sam. 

"Seeing as I'm the person you're smirking at and I'm not in on the joke, that would be obvious, wouldn't it?" He ate the bagel. He'd find something harder to throw at Toby. 

Toby shuffled the papers in front of him. "Not necessarily." 

"So tell me what the joke is." 

"Nuh-uh." 

The door to the dining room slammed open and CJ stopped, comically poised on one foot, before backing out as quickly as she'd almost entered. 

Toby snickered. 

Sam was rapidly losing patience. "Is there something I should know about CJ?" 

Toby's smile grew wider as he reached for his coffee. "Oh, I'd say you know CJ better than anyone else here," he remarked with exaggerated casualness. 

Sam got it, finally. "Nothing happened." 

"Right." 

"Nothing happened." 

Toby just smiled into his coffee and added more sugar. Sam gave up and gathered his papers, turning back at the last moment for the remains of his bagel. "Nothing happened," he said one last time as he headed out the door. 

"What happened?" Josh asked from the hall. 

Startled, Sam nearly dropped everything. "Nothing," he recovered. "As I was just telling Toby, nothing happened." 

"I believe you not, dear friend," Josh pronounced, stealing Sam's bagel and biting into it. "You have the look of a man to whom something has happened." 

Sam said nothing, accepting the loss of his bagel. 

Josh continued. "Strangely enough, CJ also has the look of someone to whom something has happened. I wonder why that is?" He smiled crookedly, as if trying not to laugh. 

"Oh. Oh, you didn't," Sam said as the second shoe dropped. "You and Toby didn't…," he couldn't continue the thought. 

"We did nothing, Samuel." He raised a single finger into the air, as if lecturing, and affected a confused expression. "And yet, nothing happened." 

Sam just shook his head. "I am going to kill you, Josh, I am going to kill you dead. And when I'm done, you should hear what CJ has in store for you. She mentioned branding irons as retaliation for the double vodkas. I wonder what she'd do if she found out you were behind us waking up together naked?" 

Josh's eyes grew wide and his smile broke into a laugh. "Naked? I swear, I had nothing to do with nudity." 

CJ, who had been sneaking up on Josh from behind, decided to make her presence known. "Oh, really." 

Josh whipped around like he'd been stung, throwing his hands up in front of him. "Swear to God, CJ. Any nakedness happened after I left the room." 

"So it was… Toby who stripped us and left us there?" CJ didn't sound convinced. In fact, she still sounded predatory. Sam kind of thought it was hot, but of course would never say it out loud. Ever. To anyone. 

"It must have been." Josh looked anywhere but at CJ. "Or maybe you just got undressed later. Sam always sleeps naked, don't you Sam?" 

CJ narrowed her eyes at him. Very hot. "I refuse to answer that question without a lawyer present." 

She turned her basilisk gaze back to Josh. "Please don't hurt me," he whimpered. 

"Oh, I'm going to hurt you, all right. I just haven't quite decided how I'm going to hurt you. Or when. But rest assured, Joshua Lyman, you will know when I've exacted my revenge." She looked back to Sam and smiled sweetly. "Come, Nature Boy, we have vengeance to plot." She turned smartly on her heel and walked away. 

Sam shrugged at Josh, highly amused by the look of stark terror on his friend's face. "Bye," he said cheerfully, and, waving, followed CJ's lead. He had a feeling he was really going to like her. 


End file.
